Are you horny as fuck for sex toys that will get you off? Specifically Japanese sex toys that will have you jerking off every time that you visit the fucking site? Then I want your ass to know that with a quick visit to Kanojo Toys, you are going to find yourself enamored with so many different sex toys available for your horny fucking ass, that you may not know where the fuck to begin.
Your Doll! Today, we’ve gathered here to talk about why you should go over to YourDoll.Com and buy a sex doll today. But first, the humor!
Sex Doll Genie! It’s time to give up. You’re never going to get laid. And, really, it’s out of your hands at this point. With the whole global pandemic shit, you closeted incels are going to get even more stuck in your ways. And I’m here to help you cope. You can fap to camwhores and porn all you want. Hell, you might even have one of those interactive pocket pussies, but wouldn’t it be nice to have something more? You betas might be confused. What more could you get? Well, there’s a luxury option that only some of you fucks will have the balls or the money to dive into.
Sexy Real Sex Dolls! Do you laugh at the thought of owning a sex doll? Well, you shouldn’t, you ignorant mother fucker! We live in the Internet age, meaning all of that shit is fair game. Whether you are lonely as fuck and want to ship the woman or male of your dreams to your home or you think owning a doll that looks human is going to impress your friends, you need to know where to turn to. The place to turn to begins at SexyRealSexDolls.com and with one quick visit, I think you are going to fucking agree.
JoyLoveDolls! There comes a time in every man’s life when he’s ready to step up his masturbation game. Sure, the free tubes and premium sex sites I review here have some of the best porn in the world, available at the click of a mouse. Sometimes, though, staring at a hot slut getting railed on the screen just ain’t enough. You can book an escort for the night on my list of escort sites, or you can go all-in and buy yourself a sweet fuck doll from a website like JoyLoveDolls.
Sexy Sex Doll! It’s hard to get tired of porno, but I know sometimes people want to ramp it up a little. That’s one of the reasons hookers are so popular, but even those lays come with some strings attached. Well, we’re living in the goddamn future, so you’ve got a growing number of options. For example, SexySexDoll.com offers stunningly realistic sex dolls for your pleasure.
SiliconWives! Alright, if you fucks found this one, then you’ve grown desperate. It’s the dry streak to end all dry streaks. With the world in shambles and everyone not wanting to get closer than 6ft away from you, it’s a tough market out there for pussy. Not that bitches wanted to get too close to you betas before anyway. But hopefully, you fucks have learned how to shower over the past year or so. Now, just because you’re stuck inside all the time doesn’t mean that you have to sit there and jerk your dick by hand. Fuck that. It’s time to get off in style. And, no, you don’t have to settle for a pocket pussy. There’s a better solution.
Porn is great. No, it’s fuckin’ epic! Few things can beat laying back and indulging in the divine sight of smut for hours on end and edging your dick or pussy until it goes red raw and begs for a break. However, I’m sure I can speak for all of us when I say that sometimes there’s a porn-induced itch that watching conventional smut just doesn't scratch.
What does the Z in Z Love Doll stand for? I’ll be honest: I’ve spent the morning perusing the website, and I still don’t know. The final letter of the alphabet ain’t the beginning of too many sex-oriented terms, so my guess is that it’s a simple matter of branding. Seeing as they’re pulling hundreds of thousands of visitors a month, I’d bet it was an effective move. The only question was how well their shop compares to some of the other options out there.
Ok Sex Doll! Unless you’re one of the people who watch sissyfication porn and choose to masturbate with their dicks in chastity and a dildo up their butt, then you’ve no doubt experienced the familiar feeling of getting the urge to fuck a real pussy rather than your hand, amid a porn watching marathon.
Realdoll! What would happen if the producers of Black Mirror made a porno? Well, I think I may have just found the site that would start it all.
Sex Doll Park sounds like an absolute playground for a perv like me. As soon as I heard the title, I envisioned my own well-stocked wonderland of life-sized babes who are always down to fuck, any hour of the day or night. It’s honestly an attainable fantasy, the only real limit being the depth of your pockets. Building your own whole-ass theme park of silicone or TPE women might cost a pretty penny, but a singular synthetic waifu or two is a lot cheaper than a human wife when you start adding it all up. Hell, you don’t even want to know what I’ve spent on Tinder dates this month, and those are never a sure thing.
Pop Torso! Are you tired of beating off by yourself? Asking your mother to watch you as you stroke your tiny cock isn’t helping matters? Tired of her nagging at you to find a real significant other, but you don’t want to deal with the drama of it all, or dealing with another human being altogether?
Are you fucking lonely? Well are you mother fucker? Then I want your ass to know that with one quick visit to a certain site, that can all fucking change What am I going on about?
U Lovers Doll! If you’re an avid fan of the adult industry, then you’re likely to be fully aware of how fast things have progressed in terms of tech, immersiveness, and pleasure-seeking goodness! These days, there seems to be no end in sight to how wild things are getting, and a man or woman can replicate a porn-style sex festival from the comfort of their own bedroom using a handful of what’s currently available on the market.
Mai Love Doll! Watching porn is fuckin’ phenomenal. There are few greater sensations in life than drenching your hand in lube or sucking your fingers and then wrapping them around your throbbing cock or engulfing them in the silky walls of your wet pussy before sinking into the warm and welcoming arms of your favorite pornstars on-screen.
POV: You’re twelve hours into a porn marathon that started with some gentle and sensual erotic massage porn that has now escalated into the upper echelons of German creampie gangbangs and triple anal penetration from the Czech Republic. You’ve got access to all of the porn you need.
Kana Doll! Man, sometimes I wish I could build a time machine to traverse time and space and return to an era of my choice. As much as I’d love to say that my mission is to achieve world peace or some shit, it isn’t. As you can probably expect, my goal is entirely porn-based.
A link to Giga Juicy slid into my DMs this morning, and even before I clicked through to find out what it was, my mind lit up at the possibilities. I’ve never made it a secret that I’m something of a chubby chaser, as those of you who have seen my list of BBW Porn Sites can attest, and that title instantly brought to mind the biggest, juiciest ladies with the most cushion for the pushin’. I honestly expected a free tube or paysite full of sexy fat chicks; what I found was a little more expensive, but a lot more hands-on.
Are you in the market for a Better Love Doll? I guess it kind of depends on what you’ve been sticking your dick into lately, whether it’s an inflatable bimbo you keep under the bed or a more realistic model that sits on the couch and freaks out your guests. Sex dolls have come a long way from the crusty old styles, so honestly, any modern life-size toy is probably going to be an upgrade from whatever you’ve got laying around the house, collecting dust and cum.
When I saw the name, I thought UR Dolls might be a fetish porn site for people who fantasized about being fuckable mannequins or life-size plastic playthings. I’m writing this a few months after the Barbie movie came out, and people are still going nuts over it, which may be why that was the first idea that came to mind. Turns out it’s something a bit less freaky, though your mom might not approve of you hooking up with one of these gals instead of settling down with some nice, quiet girl she knows from church. Here’s the thing, though: the chicks we’ll be talking about today are down for whatever, whenever.
What’s a real woman got that a Sex Doll Torso lacks? Well, besides a head, a personality, and an appetite for expensive dinners, I mean. All jokes aside, sometimes it just makes more sense to focus on getting exactly what you need instead of splurging on a whole-ass package. Dating is fun, but sometimes you just want some penile stimulation. Full-sized love dolls are great, but sometimes you just want a couple fuckable holes that won’t take up a whole closet or spot on the couch.
Have you seen My Robot Doll? I’m not talking about any of my homemade experiments built out of vacuum cleaners and Pringles cans, like the one that sent me to the ER a few times last year or the one that got me booted out of a matinee showing of Peter Pan and Wendy. Nah, I’m talking about the website of the same name and the titular playthings within. They’ve been around for a couple years and pull about a quarter million visitors a month, so there’s a decent chance you’ve at least done some window shopping if you’re into the type of wares they’re hawking.
The XnDoll logo calls the site “The Best Sex Doll Store,” which is exactly the kind of big, bold claim I expect from any sex doll store. Hell, every adult site on the internet is the biggest and best thing out there if you believe their own hype. If it were really that simple, there’d hardly be any reason for ThePornDude to exist at all. At the end of the day, it can be difficult to separate adspeak from cold, hard truth, which is why I spend my days fap testing porn tubes and window shopping the sex shops.
Honey Love Doll has a name like it could be the next hit reality show on some TV network your sister-in-law watches, but you know I wouldn’t be talking about the brand here if it were anything SFW or remotely wholesome. Nah, the dolls in question ain’t genital-free Barbies or those inflatable bimbos you can buy at the local sex shop. These fake babes are life size, realistic, and 100% fuckable in their multiple tight orifices.
Watching porn and fucking your hand pussy is a shitload of fun, but have you ever been balls-deep in a 24-hour porn marathon and started to feel the craving for some like-minded female company in the form of a woman who appreciates porn as much as you do? You’re not alone! After all, is there anything better-sounding than having a wet pussy and a welcoming mouth to dip your rock-hard cock into while watching some of your favorite smut of all time?
I’ve always wanted a few Fantasy Wives to liven up my life without the usual restrictions of a ball and chain. Sure, it’s amazing getting to bang some of the most beautiful pornstars in the world over on the PornDudeCasting couch, but then they go home and it’s back to the internet for me. This next website is full of lovely ladies who don’t ask for much of anything, but will make all your free-use fantasies come true.
Rosemary Doll is a shop with a unique name, but what could they possibly sell? Well, if you were reading about them somewhere else, you might assume they were specializing in chef-hatted dolls with a gourmand aromatic aroma, or perhaps Barbie knockoffs with a Satanic horror twist. This is ThePornDude, though, so you’ve probably already guessed what gimmick these dolls actually have: they’re life size, and you can fuck them.
At first glance, Love Nestle may sound like a fan club for chocolate milk and human rights violations, but it’s actually something a lot less controversial. Instead of lighting up your brain with a mix of sugar and cocoa, these guys get you going with fake boobs and fuckable silicone twats. You can’t eat it, but you can stick your dick in there!
Topzudi has what I’d consider a somewhat risky name for a new adult website, because it doesn’t really even hint at what you’re going to find when you pull the site up in your browser. On the other hand, it's the kind of brand name that can really stand out in a crowded marketplace, but only if they manage to gain some solid traction. There’s a reason why Brazzers is easier to remember than XMoviesForYou, even if the latter tells you exactly what you’re going to get. The question is, can Topzudi make a strong enough impression to stick in the heads of perverts ‘round the world?
When pocket twats get boring, Only Dolls can adequately simulate the full experience of banging a whole-ass babe. That’s perhaps an oversimplification of the matter, but admit it, you’re reading this review because you’ve already fucked your way through a bunch of the cheapo male masturbation toys and you’re looking for an upgrade. Hey, I’ve been there. I was actually trying to build my own full-sized sex doll for a while, but after my seventh trip to ER, I decided it just wasn’t worth it. I’ve found the professionally built models to have far fewer jagged edges and irritating textures, to say nothing of those highly engineered fake boobies, butts and fuck holes.
What kind of Sex Doll Tech do you look for in a synthetic girlfriend? Personally, I’d probably argue that the most important technological factors are the ones that make her special to you, whether that’s high-end electronics that offer realistic moans or just a big ass that makes your dick all hard and drippy. Just like with real women, the fake broads come in all different shapes, sizes and colors, with different models appealing to different dudes. Some guys want a TPE version of their ex-wife, while others want a babe with big anime eyes and elf ears. In any case, why ever settle for less than your dream girl if you’re paying for the privilege?
Do you wish that you could fuck a woman whenever you wanted? Well pal, that’s called slavery. And I hate to fucking break it to you, but I do not think that there are that many gals that are going to willingly allow you to fuck their tight wet pussies whenever you fucking feel like it. No, what you need is a sexbot!
I half-expected Link Dolls to be another cheap knockoff of ThePornDude, a list-based directory of smut with a theme of pretty girls. Fortunately, I was way off. I’m actually still not sure where they got the “Link” part of their brand name, but it’s arguably not as important as the “Doll” part of the equation. They’re not tossing the word around as a metaphor for beautiful, picture-perfect women. Nah, they call themselves Link Dolls because they’re selling dolls.
Say “Hi, doll” to Hydoll, a company making the kind of lady-shaped playthings that you’d never buy for your niece. Well, most people wouldn’t, but I guess the dolls might have some educational value if you try hard enough. They are anatomically correct, after all. Honestly, though, I bet very few of you will be willing to share these toys with anyone else. The last time I loaned out a love doll, she came back with her vagina full of dried-out, crusty sperm. I spent a whole day cleaning her out, and I’m no longer on speaking terms with my dad.
Best Real Doll! Let’s face it. Real women are a hassle, and manufactured women who don’t speak are all the rage. Why in the Sam Hell would you go out of your way to coddle some spoiled brat when you could just pay money for a woman who knows her place, to begin with? I mean, the average woman is just going to bleed you dry and leave you for a dude with a bigger dick and a bigger bank account. It’s the natural order of things. Women gravitate to power. Dolls don’t have that problem, though; they’re loyal to their masters. Dolls also happen to have all the assets that women have that are actually worthwhile - asses and tits. So, instead of having to deal with real women and their never-ending supply of bullshit excuses and complaints, get yourself a woman who never says no, a woman who is always down to fuck.
Has Tantaly tantalized you yet, or is this your first time hearing about their jiggly boobies, bouncy butts and realistic, fuckable holes? There’s no shame in being late to the party, and honestly, there’s an upside if this is the first you’re hearing about the brand: they’ve gotten even better at making those next-generation sex dolls. Good things come to those who, um, weren’t in the market for masturbation toys until recently.
With a name like SexDolls, you have to wonder whether there’s even a point in reviewing this website. The title does a great enough job on its own. There’s really no need for a second pair of eyes on this bad boy. It’s a website where you can purchase sex dolls. That much is obvious. But I guess you need me to do a second pass around the whole thing to see just how good of a job they’re doing at staying relevant and at providing you with quality sex dolls.
Have you ever wished that you had a beautiful woman who would fuck you every time you snapped your fingers? Dude, you’re not the only one. But to obtain that kind of perk, you need to have the skills required to talk to a woman. And well, that means bathing, having something to talk about beyond fucking hentai, and dressing in something other than your fedora and that stained Minions t-shirt you think is funny to wear ironically.