WikiFeet

Wiki Feet! Ask a dude what his favorite female body part is and you’ll get a handful of expected answers. Guys really like boobies, they like booties, and they’re also usually pretty fond of cooters and hoo-has. Of course, if the room is big enough, you’ll get some other answers thrown in there as well. First and foremost amongst the body part fetishists are the foot fans.

What is it about the lower extremities that make them so sexy to so many people? Is it the manicured toes or feminine arches, or is it the fragrant locker-room aroma of skin bacteria breaking down the sweat coming from the pores? Fuck if I know, but WikiFeet is the world’s biggest Internet archive of celebrity feet photos.

Shake Your Dick to Pretty, Famous Feet

Some of you foot perverts already know where I’m going with this. Nearly every single time you add the word “feet” to your search for Jennifer Lawrence, Ariana Grande, Aubrey Plaza or any other hot famous girl, Google spits out the same top result: WikiFeet.

To say they’re the most popular site in the world for foot fanatics may be something of an understatement. They get around 11 million visits per month. That’s a teeny, tiny fraction of Wikipedia’s 5.4 billion, but let’s be honest here. WikiFeet is maybe a little bit smaller in its scope. Wikipedia covers pretty much everything on the sun. WikiFeet only does pretty, famous feet.

The two don’t look terribly similar from the front page. Wikipedia is all covered in words, but WikiFeet is mostly pictures of beautiful women. Look a little closer at those thumbnails out front and you’ll see that each and every photo features exposed feet. Some girls are barefoot, others in sandals or open-toed heels. Footwear that obscures those soles, toes and arches have no place here.

Easier to Jerk Off to Than Wikipedia

At WikiFeet, you type in the name of a beautiful woman who has been sneaking into your masturbatory fantasies, which brings up a gallery of her photos. You stare at those photos, which feature her feet prominently, and you aggressively stroke your penis until climaxing and ejaculating into an old gym sock or a ball of tissues. Now you’re satisfied until your dick gets hard again thanks to your constant obsessing over celebrity pedicures.

The Home screen does give you a handful of material to crank it to if you don’t feel like digging in too deep. It’s not a porn site, so there isn’t any hardcore penetration or bouncing titties anywhere, but we all know why you’re loading up the page. It’s because, for whatever reason, painted toenails peeking over the edge of a sandal get you so hard you spend all day dripping in your pants until you can pull up the site. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

The front page features a Random Gallery, as well as the broads who have earned places as their Feet of the Day or Feet of the Week. Today, I’m seeing Nora Ordog, Estee Lalonde, and Valentina Gallego, respectively.

One thing you may wonder is, “Who the fuck are all these people?” If it’s supposed to be celebrities, how come there are so many bitches that you don’t recognize at all? Well, it’s actually pretty fucking simple.

WikiFeet is an international site, masturbated to by foot fetishists around the world. That’s why you see a ton of different broads from all over the place, and you’re not even going to recognize a lot of them. The site takes user uploads, but they are not catering to your neckbeard obsession with comic movie actresses or the girls from your sitcoms. You’ll find them there, of course, mixed in with a ton of beautiful women you’ve never heard of.

Big Feet, Little Feet, Pretty Feet, Ugly Feet

When in Rome, though, right? I snorted a Viagra and pulled out a used gym sock I stole from my sister at the last family reunion to help put me in the mood. Then I clicked the Celebrities tab to start digging into the pile.

Jesus fucking Christ. WikiFeet has nearly 3500 pages full of celebrities, and each celebrity has their own massive gallery of photographs. Thankfully, they’ve included a bunch of filters to help you sift through all those open-toed wedge photos and barefoot beach pics.

One of the first things I did was bump the Popularity filter up to Extremely Popular. That way I’d be sure to only find the chicks with feet worth jizzing all over. Then I adjusted the Site Rating filter all the way up to Beautiful Feet. If you’re a glutton for punishment or just like nasty bitches, you can also slide it down to the Ugly Feet. Who knew?

If you’ve got a thing for the womanly feet of a certain country, the Nationality filter will help you narrow down those exotic ladies. It is a shockingly deep list. I was expecting broad categories like continents, but you can narrow it down to individual islands and third-world shit holes. Seriously, every fucking country on the globe is on this list.

If there’s a particular shoe size you’re into, there’s a filter for that, too. The range is really fucking wide, from a tiny US size 4 all the way up to a 15. You like big bitches, or little sluts with enormous hobbit feet?

The trouble with these filters is that you can only use one of them at a time. I can’t narrow down the American chicks wearing size 7, or the Quite Popular girls with Nice Feet. I can search for girls by Birth Dates, but once I’ve got them I can’t narrow them down to just the popular ones.

And a Thousand Feet Videos, Too

The standards are little bit lower here. I see a lot of YouTube videos of Home Shopping Network presenters hyping products that go on their feet. There are scenes pulled from TV shows and movies, and honestly it just seems like random stuff people have found that happen have feet in them. If that’s what gets you off, more power to you, but it would be better and easier to jack off to with some kind of vague organization.

WikiFeet has some overall organizational issues, but I guess that can be expected from such a massive site that runs on user uploads. If you’re into feet, there’s no archive on the planet that can compare to WikiFeet.com’s stash of celebrity foot photos or even come close. They may not have porno, but where else are you going to find such an extensive collection of famous chicks with exposed toes? All you foot fetish fanatics who are just discovering the Internet are going to really thank me later.