Eroutique

She is home alone, feeling the urge to stimulate the hell out of that G-spot of hers. The camera focuses on her silky blouse for a second, tantalizing the viewers with a nip slip. She shoves her fingers down her twat, while a vibrator is pressed against her pink pearl. The mix of subtle moans and artistic music fills the kitchen where the slut was supposed to make some breakfast, but rubbing her cunt seemed like a better way to start her day.

Welcome to eroutique.com! Does the elegant, sophisticated, slightly naughty scenario sound appealing? Keep reading or fuck the hell off because I am gonna stop swearing for a moment now and use this chance to prove to the world that I am more than a rude fucker! I can be elegant! Watch me!

A website of such a delicate design, presenting a fusion of sexy and sophisticated

I would have continued this girly-style bullshitting if it wasn't for one flick on that page that I accidentally stumbled upon. It was nothing but fate, wanting me to come back to my old, rude ways because the world deserves to know the truth about eroutique.com.

A brunette is reading some fashion magazines, and she is pregnant. Big, round belly and a set of firm, milk-filled tatas. For some reason, the pregnant slut gets hot while reading a fashion magazine and starts rubbing her cunt till she squirts all over an expensive-looking couch. Some crazy discount, maybe?!

I mean, the camera work is fine, the babe looks groomed and polished, but she is squirting all over her pregnant belly! I guess that the absence of cock is enough of a reason to describe something like this as erotic. Chicks in lacy lingerie are erotic. Nip slips are erotic, dancing is erotic, but a pregnant chick squirting certainly isn't.

I don't want you to get discouraged straight away

On the other hand, eroutique.com will not treat you with any hardcore smut, so you can forget about DP's, anal gaping, prolapse, piss drinking, and cum swallowing! All videos are solo shows, with an occasional adult toy, and that's about it. If you manage to get your hands on some squirting action, consider yourself lucky. Take it or leave it!

You won't get to see any trailers, and I fucking hate the concept of a conceited website that is so confident that it feels that free trailers are not necessary. Many other premium websites, way more successful and famous, allow regular visitors to take a look at the trailers! So, prepare yourself for a tour page that doesn't reveal much, meaning that you'll have to rely on my review while making the payment decision.

How to unlock the content?

Two membership plans are at your disposal - a monthly one that is €19.90 (recurring) and a three-month one costing €9.90/month. You pretty much know the rest. To proceed with the payment, you'll have to sign-up first; the page notes that all models are 18+, and some other legal shit and notifications. What's important to say is that the About us section doesn't exist, so you won't know to whom you are sending your precious greens, but who the hell cares for a bunch of French fuckers anyway?

Are you gonna get your money's worth?

What I did manage to find out on the conceited tour page is that one new video is added to eroutique.com every week and that all videos come with a set of downloadable pictures. Two new galleries land on the page each week. At the time of this review, the page counted around 70 erotic movies and the same number of galleries. The videos' running time ranges from 11 to 40 minutes, roughly speaking, which is a common practice for premium joints. When it comes to the number of pictures in each set, it revolves around 100, more or less.

There's absolutely nothing that you can get from eroutique.com for free! The image previews are fucking tiny, making me wonder if I need to buy myself a brand new pair of glasses, and the trailers simply aren’t available. I know I've already mentioned this, but it's so fucking annoying that I can't wrap my head around it! As it seems, no bonus content either! You know what, eroutique.com?! Find a hard, stale French croissant and stick it up your conceited ass! Moving on!

This is the first time that I actually like the amateurs

All hotties are tall, slender, natural, and gorgeous. I've heard that the old Angels are getting replaced by some fat Karens who are supposed to show to the world that all bodies are equal and that shit. C'mon now, eroutique.com is a perfect mix of fashion and sexiness, and the content is so elegant-looking that even some pregnant lady signed up for the gig! Angels, give this place a go!

I expected a better model bio than "She loves sex, and she loves to enjoy nature masturbating outdoor," especially since the page wants to attract paying members, but, you know, shit happens. "Flirty, Persuasive, Funny .... and sexy" is another mesmerizing bio coming from eroutique.com, and this is the WHOLE bio!

Do something about this, eroutique.com, and remember that people need information, trailers, teasers, anything that would tell them what to expect beforehand! Creating a good logo and coming up with a clever-sounding name isn't enough! However, I am here to save the day and give your page a proper push with an honest review. Yeah, some things are hard to hear, but rest assured that this review will bring you nothing but more traffic!

Not the hardcore smut you are used to