Twitch ASMR

I’ve been mulling over this review for a while now, and for the longest time, I told myself that it’s just not worth it. There’s no reason to talk about Twitch. Twitch is just a gaming platform. The twitch thots will die out eventually when they get banned from the platform and so on. I could not have been more wrong. I know that most remarkable things on the internet eventually devolve into pornography, but I’m the kind of classicist who believes that porn and child-friendly spaces shouldn’t mix. Twitch was initially the best place for young people to hang out and watch back-to-back streams of video games being played by people from around the globe. Those days are over. Twitch is now officially one of the best places to feast your eyes on oiled-up giant breasts and some seriously cringey sexually suggestive content.

I usually don’t just jump to review when I see that a website has hot chicks. I’m not a fucking pig. I only ever jerk off to women who are clearly in the market to be jerked off to. So, porn stars are free game, and so are bitches that take their clothes off on camera for money. Those are technically strippers, but they fall under the porn umbrella. So, how do Twitch thots qualify? Well, I’m explicitly reviewing the ASMR section of Twitch, which has nothing to do with ASMR whatsoever. For the uninitiated among you, ASMR content is aimed at triggering a response in your brain that causes chills down your spine, soothing sensations, and in some cases even sleepiness. It’s supposed to be a great way to unwind, distress, and fall asleep or, at the very least, take a chill pill. Well, Twitch’s ASMR section has literally nothing to do with any of these things.

This is Really Not ASMR

First of all, ASMR isn’t supposed to be lateral to fapping. It’s not a sexual experience. It’s a soothing experience, like yoga or burning incense. It’s not supposed to be erotic at all. But it is on Twitch. 99% of the content on this platform features young babes with giant tits licking 3D binaural microphones that come complete with actual modeled human ears. This lets the babes also perform licking rituals on the ears so that you can wear headphones and pretend that the girl in question is licking your ears precisely. That sound, combined with that visual on top of the fact that her tits are huge and juicy, it’s all one big fap-worthy ensemble. It’s a fap fest. It’s a fap extravaganza. This shit is not ASMR - this shit is straight-up live cam whoring on a PG-13 website. How they get away with it is beyond me, but since they’re not actually breaking any laws, they can get away with it.

Hell, they’re even allowed to be half-naked with thongs and string bras, as long as they’re in the water. Whether it’s a pool or a bathtub, provided the babes are in the water, they’re allowed to be next to naked, again, keeping it PG-13. Combine those outfits with the water and the supposed ASMR performance, and you get a combination of huge wet titties and many audible reasons to fap to said titties.

These Bitches Want You to Fap

You can’t convince me that these bitches don’t know what they’re doing. You can’t tell me they aren’t going out of their way to encourage fapping. They want donations from their viewers. That’s how they make their money. Therefore, it is in their best interest to get as many donations as possible and encourage people to stick around and become addicted to their content. You might have seen donation incentives on other Twitch channels in the past. These are very popular among sexual and non-sexual content. Basically, they’re simple rewards that the streamer can bestow upon the viewers, for a viewer who donates a specific amount of money beyond a threshold. Usually, streamers do sensible shit like writing a viewer’s name on a whiteboard or putting on a clown costume. The ASMR bitches though, they’re in a league of their own.

The average subscription or donation milestone under Twitch’s ASMR section features the oiling of breasts, losing clothing, or even the extreme fast licking of binaural ear-shaped microphones. This shit is extreme. I know it sounds innocent on paper, but check them out for yourself, and you’ll see what I mean. You’ll understand why I’m reviewing Twitch’s ASMR section if you just take a casual glance at the content. Maybe it’s one of those things that cannot be genuinely described textually. Some smut content is implicitly hot, but you can’t convey that shit in words. You have to see it to believe it. I will bet my left nut that you can easily empty both your nuts to the content on Twitch’s ASMR section, though. I am that fucking convinced that this is where all the nerds are jerking off these days.

The Thots are Taking Over

There are many categories on Twitch where you’ll find a lot more Twitch thots, like in Just Chatting, where there are tons of bathtub streams and all that. But, the ASMR section is unique in that even if the babes are fully clothed and not at all erotically inclined, the content is still arousing as fuck because none of these babes actually understand how ASMR is supposed to work. Instead, they think it has something to do with dirty talk, whispering into someone’s ear, and licking.

Seriously, there is so much fucking licking. I don’t understand why there’s this much licking. Hell, sometimes these babes get together and lick the damn microphones at the same time, in couples, I mean. At that point, they’re basically an inch away from just doing a fucking lesbian spit swapping session, but because their tongues never touch, it’s technically not smut. This is just about the best rule skirting I’ve ever seen in the name of producing fap-worthy content.

Twitch, Gone Sexual, Gone Wrong

As for the future of ASMR content on Twitch, well, I don’t know what to expect. I can’t imagine that Twitch is happy that their platform is being used as a spank bank, but at the same time, they’re making money hand over fist, and no laws are being broken, so I guess it’s, well, good for them? Probably. Late-stage capitalism is a blight any way you look at it. I guess you can attribute the existence of all this smut on Twitch to the fact that the platform itself has been taking off for the past few years and growing almost exponentially. The popularity pulls in views and views encourage people to get competitive. And, when you’re a sexy babe with massive tits, competition makes you show off those tits, so you don’t lose viewership. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

I recommend that you check out Twitch’s ASMR section and browse through a few of these bitches. Naturally, since this is not a porn site, you can’t filter out the men from the women, but there aren’t a lot of men to speak of anyway, so it’s hardly going to be a problem. Hell, the few men on the site actually are doing proper ASMR, so if you need to sleep, swap over to their videos. If you need to fap, get back to the chicks, and you’re good to go.

Sexing it Up for Donations

There are new bitches flocking to Twitch every single day, and as is tradition, about half of them dabble in pornography as well, though not on this platform. They use this place to garner viewership and popularity; then, they sell their nudes and sex tapes on OnlyFans. You know how it works. These bitches are networking. So, if you still weren’t convinced that they really want you to fap to their content, well, consider why they would have a fucking OnlyFans. Don’t be a fucking dumbass; it’s clear that these bitches only have one thing in mind, and it isn’t ASMR relaxation. They want to make you hard and want you to want them.

Consider giving them donations at your own discretion. Personally, I’d save that money for the OnlyFans subscriptions, but there’s nothing wrong with throwing some cash at Twitch thots if you really do appreciate the work they’re doing. Besides, most babes have rewards for their subscribers, so you’re likely to get your money’s worth. Just make sure to comb the section carefully before settling on a favorite. There are too many thots to count, so be patient on your quest to find the hottest one.