OnlyFans

Only Fans! I love the social media generation. I’m not saying I’m big into tweeting or twittling or whatever, but I love that there’s this whole culture of beautiful women sharing photos of themselves, trying to out-sexy all their friends. One big complaint I have is that most social media sites still don’t really allow nudes. Take a guess why I was so excited to hear about OnlyFans.

If you’re into naked girls, and I’m sure you are, you’ve probably heard rumblings about this site. I’ve heard it called both the Instagram of Sex and the Patreon of Porn, but I’ll believe it when I see it. Let’s see if OnlyFans is all hype, or if 20 million viewers a month are onto the next big thing in smut.

Beautiful Naked Women, Right Behind This Curtain

The sign-up page has some basic questions for you. Pick a username and a profile name, or just use the random string of numbers they assign you for the latter. There’s an About field where you can say some stuff about yourself. I wrote about my huge dick and how I want to see all your bobs and vagene. I find those are the magic words on social media if you want to make ladies wet.

You’ll also set your location, website URL if you’ve got one, and your profile and header photo. “Profile images must not contain nudity or explicit material,” the text reads. That’s fine for now, but I better see some titties once you let me in.

There’s also a field where you can enter your own subscription price, in dollars per month. Mine is currently set to zero, with a little note saying I’ll need to add a bank account first. I’m not super happy to see this right past the front gate, but then I realize they’re not asking me for money. This is what I’d charge people to look at my feed.

I’m happy to sell pictures of my dick to even the lowest bidder, but I really just came here to look at tits. It seems weird at first not to have separate creator and viewer accounts, but it helps sell the whole pseudo-Twitter-plus-nudes thing they’re going for.

Once you’re fully logged in it’s even more apparent how they’re styling this after your typical social network, plus porn. The only problem is I don’t have any friends yet, and I’m not sure how to make them here.

Where the Naked Bitches At?

The FAQ says the search bar on my home screen can be used for finding other accounts, but I only get “a limited number of results” until my first payment. Nothing came up for anything I typed, though: I saw no Blondes, no Teens, nor a single Blowjob or even a Nude. Limited number, indeed.

OnlyFans is a platform that lets users sell their nudes and dirty clips directly to you. There are other sites with similar business models, but this is the first one I can think of that doesn’t have any kind of basic internal search accessible to all potential customers. Sites like ManyVids do their best to move their creator’s content, but OnlyFans doesn’t seem to be doing much to help. It really seems like everyone loses this way.

Fortunately, it’s pretty damn easy to find the actual OnlyFans user links you need. Just type #onlyfans into Twitter, Instagram, Google, or whatever your preferred search engine is. Yeah, it’s stupid as hell that you can’t do it from OnlyFans.com, but hopefully, they’ll come around.

Sneaking In the Back Door

I was worried there wasn’t much action on OnlyFans. It’s weird that I had to go to another site to find out there is, but you can’t argue with this shit. People are posting #onlyfans and their personal links every few minutes on publicly searchable sites.

Who’s on OnlyFans? It’s a lot of the Instagram-model-types you’d expect, only the sluttiness is usually ramped up a couple of notches. I fucking love that! There’s also a ton of cam-whores, as you’d expect, some regular whores, and a surprising number of actual pornstars. There are a lot of buff gay dudes, but they’re really outnumbered by all the ripe young babes on display.

Sorry, No Freebies

The unpaid version of each OnlyFans profile has minimal content. There’s a tiny, non-nude profile pic, a header graphic, and a short bio. At the top is the total number of Posts, Photos, Videos, and Likes. That’s it. That profile pic is too small to even really tell what the chick looks like, so again, we’re back to Instagram.

You can read the text on posts, but until you’ve subscribed, you can’t see any of the attached pics. I wonder what Dreamy Daisy’s doing in the pic with the caption, “When you’ve just showered and you can’t stop touching.” I guess the only way to find out is to follow for $10 a month, which was roughly the going rate on most of the profiles I visited.

The Work of a Retard, a Thief, or a Genius?

It seems so fucking simple, but I can’t get over how smart it is. I’m complaining about not being able to search from within the site, but their method saves them money. So does the total lack of freebies and their reliance on other sites for paying traffic and previews. Sure, if all the major social media sites fold tomorrow these guys are fucked, but that ain’t happening any time soon.

The lack of internal search engine on OnlyFans makes it a little difficult to recommend if you’re just looking for some good, general amateur porn. There are other places you can get that with a bit less effort. It’s probably nice if you’re into that low-level interaction a paid connection on social media provides, though.

OnlyFans is for perverts who really appreciate the social media sluts on Instagram, but long for more explicit access than the giants allow. That’s really the entire reason the site was invented. If your favorite girls are on here, you probably already know.