Indexxx

In today’s age of porno video games and futuristic VR sex helments, we sometimes forget the humble roots of smut. Beating off to still pictures of beautiful, naked women had been a time-honored tradition for generations before the advent of the Internet. Sites like Indexxx.com keep it oldschool in the new millenium, serving up library-sized collections of dirty pictures.

The subtitle on Indexxx.com’s header says they have “more than 40,000 models”. Good thing the mailman just delivered an industrial-sized tub of herbal boner pills I bought from some shady pop-up ad. Let’s hope my heart doesn’t explode, and let’s hope Indexxx comes through with all those sexy lady galleries.

A Massive Index of XXX Pics

Well, the tired color scheme and ugly graphics don’t matter much, do they? The only truly important thing is that the site can deliver those 40,000 models without too much pain on my end. Ease of use and quality of content are what I’m looking for.

The setup is simple as hell here. There’s a header offering quick links to Models, Websites, the TOP-100 and Forum. There’s a search bar, and the alphabet typed out so you can jump to the girl’s name you sort of remember. Was that Jacky D or Jacky E who got me off so hard last week?

The rest of the page is dominated by thumbnails from each of the Latest Sets. The 60 or so galleries I see listed right now were all added today. Fucking nice! The pics come from all over the Internet. Sources today include Nubiles.net, MetArt, and Gonzo.

Just Look At All These Dirty Picture Galleries

There’s a gallery below, but it’s fucked up and none of the pics load. That’s not Indexxx’s fault, so I check the next thumbnail on their front page. This one’s a hottie named Danica posing topless, bikini bottoms pulled down to expose her pussy.

Danica’s link sends me to an erotica photo studio. Instead of Danica’s new set, I’m dropped at the front page and have to look for her. When I find her, I get a bigger version of the thumbnail image I saw on Indexxx. I can’t even see the full-sized version without signing up for a site membership.

Okay, the first two links were pretty fucking useless. If you’re really horny, they may well piss you the fuck off, and rightfully so. Third time’s a charm, though, right?

Nah. The third thumbnail has lesbians named Clover and Putri fooling around with each other. There’s a purple dildo and everything is wet. Indexxx’s link sends me to the front page of a different paysite, where I hunt for Clover and Putri. I find a video preview of their scene together, but all of the images are locked unless I want to shell out twenty bucks. Fuck off.

I clicked a bunch of random links on the front page and it was always the same thing. I’d be sent to another site where I’d have to look for the girl I saw on Indexxx. She’s always in a new update, but to actually see the whole thing I need to sign up for a premium account.

Cataloging Your Favorite Slut’s Art

The other counter on the front page says they have 49,751 models. Hopefully, they’ll update that ugly fucking logo when they hit 50k. Given the very low amount of effort they put into making other parts of the site look good, I doubt that will happen.

While I was getting increasingly frustrated and blue-balled by the locked galleries, I did notice a silver lining to Indexxx’s wonky setup. Here’s where those high numbers come into play, though not exactly how you’d hope.

That blonde chick Anjela from the first thumbnail had me thinking dirty thoughts from the moment I saw her. Beneath the link to the site offering her pics for money was a link to Indexxx’s own profile of the slut.

You won’t necessarily find a bunch of pictures or videos on a babe’s profile, at least if you stay on Indexxx. Profiles here have cluttered comments sections, and if you’re lucky there’s Submitted Model Info that lists some basic facts in plain text. There’s a tag list, which doesn’t seem as useful here as it does on other sites.

The best thing about the profile pages is the list of websites you can find the girl on. Anjela’s been on around twenty so far that have been indexed by Indexxxed. True, I’m probably going to have to spend some money. At least I know where to start in my quest for more Anjela.

Serve Me More of This Excellent Meat

The selection of links doesn’t seem entirely correlated to a pornstar’s level of fame. It will take a lot of time, money, and Viagra to work your way through Indexx’s whole pile of Little Caprice or Mila Azul links, but there are scant few for Mia Khalifa. Weird.

Those extensive links? Yeah, those are the “photo sets” Indexxx is indexing. It’s true that there are always galleries, but the main event is usually a movie. Only a minority of Indexxx links go to still-only galleries. The ones I saw were from fancy nudie mags for classy motherfuckers who smoke cigars and only bang high-end hookers.

One annoying hole in this system is the fact that so many pornstars use mononyms. It’s not Indexxx’s fault, but a lot of these sluts run together when they chose single names like Danica or Jennifer.

If you’re looking to beat off to galleries of beautiful women, Indexxx is definitely not the site to do it. There are other sites that are easier to use and actually have photo sets you can look at without paying for.

The only exception would be if you’re looking for more material by a specific model. Indexxx’s only strength seems to be that they have indexed all these models and galleries/pornos. You can use the site to find more material from the professional whores you love.

Indexxx seems like a site whose day has passed, but what the hell do I know? I’m just The Porn Dude, spending all day and night looking at porn sites and comparing them. Nearly 7 million people a month are still visiting Indexxx, but I think they just don’t know any better.