EscortVista

Escort Vista! Slapping my meat stick is my second favorite thing to do on this earth besides intercourse. If you haven't noted, beating meat is kind of my thing. I’ve conquered every stroke pattern, method, and strategy man has yet to devise.

A Hero for the People

Regardless, I know I have the most masturbation sessions in an hour, day, week, month, year, and lifetime. I hold the record for the longest continual game of pocket pool and the shortest time between orgasms.

I have put up such ridiculous numbers that I don’t need a record book to keep track of it all. I dare you testosterone-starved betas to put up half my numbers without having a stroke or heart attack. You'll develop meningitis before you beat off more times in a day than me. That's just facts.

Brothers in Arms

I wouldn’t request that my body stop my heart from beating, so why would I tell my balls to put my jizz in long-term storage? That ejaculate wants out of my body, and who am I to stop it? I’m trying to live a long, healthy life, so I listen to what my body tells me.

I am grateful to exist during a period when I don’t have to use my imagination to watch porn. When it's time to watch a bitch ride dick, I'm never more than thirty seconds away. As you already know, I know where all the best porn is.

If you can think of it, and it's humanly possible, I can find pervs on the net doing it while they fuck. And you can bet I'll beat off to it. I don't judge. I consider my capacity to bust a nut while watching almost anything a point of pride.

I wouldn't be the dude I am now without this talent. My Jimmy John has no dietary restrictions. It is an omnivore with an insatiable appetite for gash penetration. I'll bust a nut while delivering the eulogy at the president's funeral. No fucks given. Anytime, any place.

The Third Wheel

Unfortunately, you guys aren't me. When I want to fuck, I walk outside, point at the first sexy cunt I see, pull out my dick, and they hop right on. You don't have that option. If you want pussy, you'll have to pay for it. It's a good thing that Escort Vista makes finding hookers fast and easy.

I can always sense when the need for gash approaches. It’s almost like I have a third ghost testicle filling with sperm that only connects to the pipes when it feels live coochie touching my rod and tackle.

My two central corporeal sperm banks get depleted every couple of hours, so they never have the chance to bitch about anything. I don't give them one. I’m always five steps ahead of my flesh and blood testies. The moment they find themselves even an eighth full, I'm fucking on top of the issue.

My third ball doesn't exist in this spatial dimension. Instead, it lives in a quantum dimension separate from the laws of physics humans are usually bound to.

I could use ancient Indian stroking techniques. I could use the best pocket pussy on the market. I could don the most advanced virtual reality helmets. Still, I won't be able to reach into my ghost nut. Not even my TSR (Tesla Sex Robot) can release the sperm in my ghost nut. The only thing that works is pussy, and the pussy on Escort Vista couldn't be easier to get.

Believe me when I say I've tried everything. I've attempted to find alternate answers before. I once spent a week beating my meat stick silly. My penis had third-degree burns on it. No matter what I do, my ghost nut remains full to the brim. I was desperate for my favorite Escort Vista working girl to come over, but my wang was down for the count. One two three. Ding ding ding.

That's when my TSR theorized that the ghost ball might be in my prostate. I was trepidatious, but I let her root around in there for a bit. Things didn't go well. Fortunately, TSR is trained in basic first aid and CPR. I thought I was a goner for sure.

Times Have Changed

You were just as likely to be robbed and killed as you were to get your dick sucked for twenty bucks. Thankfully, the internet has made red-light districts superfluous. Now, you can shop for gash from the convenience of your own home.

Cock Monks

Escort Vista is optimized for use on tablets and phones. You'll see large borders along each side when you visit your computer. That's the empty space caused by mobile optimization.

I'm not too upset about not creating a separate site for laptops and desktops. It's unlikely you'll be cruising around in your car using your laptop. However, building a more effective main site wouldn't take much.

The main menu drops down from a button up top and contains the options Home, About Us, Terms, and Privacy, Log in, and Register.

When you first arrive, the site will ask you to choose a location from Canada, The United States, Europe, and Oceania. If you select the states, you'll be asked to specify what state. You can skip these if you like to see how the global supply is doing.

Below the main menu is a large column of available escorts organized by most recently added ads. There is page after page after page of these bitches. You have hundreds of ladies to choose from. You can find it on Escort Vista, no matter what you're into. They have everything from ebony, big, beautiful women to skinny little white midgets.

When you find a lady that fits the needs of your balls, give her a click to bring up her profile. Profiles on Escort Vista provide all the info you need to decide who should suck your dick for rent money.

Betty Fux

Let's call this bitch Betty for the sake of convenience. Betty is a twenty-seven-year-old blonde bombshell with a great rack and a fresh face. She's located in Western Illinois.

There are eight pictures of Betty for you to enjoy. This bitch is so sexy. Good luck not jerking off before you give her a call. You won't be able to help yourself.

The reason I chose Betty is because I fucked this bitch before and can vouch for her fuckablity and talent. She knows how to treat a cock. You guys won't be able to last more than a few strokes. You cum before Betty even gets her bra off. Hopefully, you have a short refractory period to get out a second nut before your hour is done.

Escort Vista makes finding a sexy escort as easy as opening your phone. You'll never need to visit a red-light district again. Escort Vista services multiple countries and all fifty states.

My only issue is that Escort Vista didn't build a site for laptop and desktop use. The mobile site works fine on those systems, but building something just for computers wouldn't be hard.

I know you guys have fully loaded ghost balls. You better drain those bad boys before they fucking pop.