CooMeet

Remember Chatroulette? Those guys had what seemed like a great idea, but quickly became just a random dick generator. Chatting with randos sounds great until you find out it’s just a bunch of perverts like you. Other companies have tweaked the formula over the years, coming up with different wrinkles to add to their random chats. (I meant metaphorical wrinkles, dipshit. Nobody wants to see your saggy ballsack hanging to your knees.) CooMeet is a random video chat site that bills itself as the #1 Video Chat with Girls Online.

CooMeet.com has been around since 2011, refining its formula and sharpening its edge over the years. Nowadays, they’re getting a few million visits a month. Somebody’s obviously having some fun over there, and I’m really curious to see what it’s all about.

Chatroulette with Genuine Pretty Girls

The basic setup of the site is spelled out in the opening spiel. According to the blurb, this is the next generation of social introduction agencies. It’s an online video dating, social networking and messaging tool for meeting strangers online instantly.

There’s a free webcam video chat with no sign-up required. You hit a button and a random girl pops up. Hit it again if you don’t like her. CooMeet will serve up a new broad. It sounds a hell of a lot like Chatroulette, only with girls instead of wieners.

That’s the big gimmick here at CooMeet: girls instead of wieners. The landing page explains that the ladies are verified to ensure you get to get your mack on instead of just clicking through an endless parade of drippy mushroom tips.

I can’t help noticing the entire landing page is aimed at dudes. There’s a lot of enticement to come talk to real, genuine ladies, but I don’t see anything trying to get those ladies to sign up. That seems a little weird to me, but I’ll withhold judgment until I see how easy it is to chat these bitches up.

Video Chat with Hot Women for Free

You’ve got to give the site access to your webcam and microphone before you can start searching, which seems fair enough. This ain’t one of the virtual peepshows you’d find on my list of Live Sex Cam Sites where you can anonymously watch a girl diddle herself with a carrot before eating said vegetable. Put on a clean shirt and wipe the mustard off your face before you get out there, knuckleheads.

I gave my handsome face the once-over before I clicked the Start Searching button. There’s a little checkbox that will limit your selection to “only the best” women, but you need to have at least 120 minutes in your balance. Since I haven’t even registered, let alone given them a credit card number, I guess I’m going to have to look at average girls, too.

After a few seconds, a pretty Russian chick popped up in the chat window. She didn’t smile, but I figured I’d try to work my Porn Dude charm on her.

“What’s up, pretty lady?” I asked, out loud since I’d activated my microphone.

She didn’t respond verbally or alter her unhappy facial expression, but she did type a message asking how I was. I think it’s a little fucking stupid to chat via text when you’re both connected via a microphone, but what the fuck do I know? I figured, When In Rome, and tried to respond in kind.

It turns out the free version is a bit crippled. Any message I tried to send was met with a NOT SENT message and a link to the sign-up page. To make it extra awkward, the chat window stays open while you’re fumbling with the registration part. It made me wish I’d opted for a different ratio in my booze and Cialis cocktail. The unhappy Russian lady may have been utterly baffled as I ignored her, that pretty face hidden by the CooMeet pricing scheme.

Unravelling This Crazy Pricing Scheme

I opted for the trial. After my credit card went through, I got a message saying I just bought 3 days plus ten minutes of video chat. That’s fucking interesting, because the sign-up page didn’t say a goddamn thing about minutes of chat.

CooMeet makes you confirm your bank card, which is something I never really see. Instead of letting me get right to the cyber-sex and video dating, I had to log into my fucking bank account and see how much extra change CooMeet had frozen in my account. It’s only 67 cents, but that’s 67 cents I didn’t say it was okay to take.

Once I got all confirmed and setup, the site told me I had 3 days, 11 minutes and 20 messages to use. You get 2 messages for every minute you spend, which sounds neat until you think about it too hard. I mean, I’m obviously going to use the minutes I have, why not just give me the messages? Better yet, why not give me unlimited messages like every other chat site? What is my “premium” access good for if not unrestricted chatting? The answer kind of sucks: semi-restricted chatting.

There is a Buy Minutes button if you’d like to reload those. Six hours will run you a hundred bucks, which is the cheapest deal. At the crackhead end of the scale, you can pay 2 bucks for ten minutes until your bank account is completely fucked.

It’s definitely worth noting that if you want to cancel your premium account, you have to email these guys. I pored through my profile settings trying to figure it out before I got automatically rebilled. I ended up Googling the problem and found the answer in their User Agreement. Sneaky!

I burnt through my minutes chatting with another Eastern European chick and then a pretty Latina. As a dude who’s used to the immediate sexual thrills of a webcam show, this was much slower. If you want to see titties, you’re going to have to work harder, look better and have some fucking game. They weren’t kidding when they said this was a dating and social media site.

CooMeet.com is going to appeal to people who are looking for a video chat with a hot girl, but aren’t necessarily looking for cybersex or a show involving an enormous sausage and bottle of lube. The pricing scheme is totally convoluted, but the site does provide plenty of opportunities to chat it up with good-looking broads. It really is like Chatroulette in a cleaner, more chat-conducive environment. What you manage to do in that environment is entirely up to you and the lady you chat with.