BetUS

Bet US calls themselves America’s Favorite Sportsbook, a claim supported by their traffic stats. A whopping eighteen-thousand visitors are dropping by every day to bet on their favorite teams or drop virtual tokens loaded with real money into Internet slot machines. That’s way more than I had beating on my door when I started running an unlicensed catfighting ring in my basement, and these guys are a fully licensed sportsbook. There may be fewer stray boobies bouncing around their operation, but it’s all legit and you don’t even have to pick your lazy ass up off the couch.

BetUS.com.pa has been around in some form or another since 1994, making it one of the very oldest and most established gambling sites on the Internet. The bookie next door sure as fuck doesn’t have his own Wikipedia entry, but BetUS has one touting the joint’s benefits, proposition wagers and payouts. Honestly, the Wiki entry is so flattering it sounds like somebody at BetUS whipped it up, so I decided to take a look for myself. I lube myself up thoroughly before I review most of the sites I’ve got listed here at ThePornDude, but in this case, I just dipped my wallet into some Vaseline for smooth spending.

Boners Must Wait, It’s Time for Bonuses

They definitely want you to play with crypto. You get to skip the security screen they do to validate your ID if you’re using a credit card, and they’re offering a 25% bonus on crypto deposits. (Contrast that to the mere 5% boost you get for crypto deposits at SportsBetting.) Crypto’s got the advantage of cutting out the middleman, which means fewer fees for BetUS and fewer fees for you.

They also have a shit-ton of sign-up and re-up bonuses. There’s a whole fucking page of them on BetUS.com.pa, listing perks like a 125% sign-up bonus, a 150% casino bonus, a 10% cash bonus and up to 50% re-up bonus. Some of these are semi-permanent, but others require a limited-time promo code which BetUS provides right there on the page.

The Wiki article on BetUS has some oddly specific information on the payouts that’s worth mentioning here. “Money can only be withdrawn after placing qualifying bets that total more than 10-25 times the freeplay (bonus) received at signup,” it reads. “Max withdrawal amount is 5 times the freeplay amount. In other words, you cannot withdraw the entirety of your account, and prior to reaching the 10-25 multiple of bets, you cannot withdraw any funds at all.”

For citation, they point to the BetUS.com.pa Terms and Conditions, section 10.8. Every TOS is a nightmare of legalese and numbers, and the dense, 200-word section in question is no exception. I guess I’ll have to defer to Wiki on this one, because I wouldn’t have understood it if it weren’t pointed out.

Putting the Bet in BetUS

Funky domain or not, one of the perks of using BetUS is that Americans can access it with no issues or restrictions. Some of the other popular gambling sites, like Roobet, lock you out if you’re in the USA. It’s easy enough to use a VPN to access those sites, but it requires an extra app and a subscription fee. BetUS is clearly aimed at Americans, so you’re not going to have to fuck with that. (Though if you are looking for a good VPN, for gambling or just watching lesbian scissor-fests on the WiFi at work, I’ve been reviewing them here at ThePornDude.)

That covers the US part of BetUS, but what about the Bet part? That’s another easy one, unless you’re retarded or have been sniffing glue all day. One of the site’s main functions is letting you bet on sports, esports, and horse racing. They take Madden even more seriously than your stoned cousin, including a big-ass link right there in the site’s header, though there weren’t any games to bet on when I visited.

The other sections of the site were a lot busier. I clicked my way to the Sportsbook, where a list of Last Minute Bets gave me a chance to get in on some games going on right now in Moscow, South America, and the United States. A full list of sports stretches down the side, so take your pick. Do you want to gamble on UFC today or maybe some nice, peaceful table tennis? There’s golf, hockey, rugby, NASCAR, and a couple dozen more.

The Internet’s pretty fucking amazing. I love how BetUS.com.pa is tuned in to everything, offering live odds worldwide, updating by the minute. It’s a hell of a lot more advanced than betting with your drunk neighbor over who can piss farther. If you’re the type of gambler who’s got their own personal system, you’ll find all kinds of opportunities to refine it within.

Spending Time in the Online Casino

They’ve got pretty much everything you could ask for in an online casino. For those who like the live experience, you can play games with a real dealer. There’s half a dozen styles of video poker, even more blackjack options, plus craps and a handful of other table games. There’s even bingo and keno for the oldsters out there.

And of course, there are slots. I was going to write “lots and lots of slots,” because it sounds good, but the selection isn’t as deep as some of the other online casinos. You’ve got about 40 fruit machines with various themes like pirates, pilgrims, bounty hunters and zombies. It ain’t a bad number, but SportsBetting has hundreds, and Roobet has over a thousand.

I don’t think the limited slot-machine selection is going to be a dealbreaker for anybody, except maybe the truly diehard online slots fans. Overall, BetUS has enough going on to keep you busy and your brain on fire with the lust for more winnings. I could have spent another few thousand words just listing all the different games, sports to bet on and betting options. You’re not going to get bored here.

Maybe that’s the site’s biggest drawback. If you like gambling, you’re not going to want to leave. Winning streaks don’t usually last forever, so the rules of responsible gaming apply here just like they would at the riverboat casino near you. Then again, are you going to let a professional masturbator be your voice of reason?

It’s easy to see why BetUS has been around so long. Shit, how many websites can you think of that have survived since the early ‘00s, let alone the ‘90s? BetUS outlived the fuck out of MySpace, and it’s because they have a lot more to offer than your friends’ shitty taste in music. Around here, you can risk your money in all kinds of ways, traditional and newfangled. Aside from jacking off, this is some of the most fun you’re going to find online.