Adult Mobile

I have to admit; I’m not always a value shopper. I can’t stand going to Costco and getting trapped by lines of idiots waiting for free samples of microwave cheese bullshit with a frozen pretzel. That said, sometimes even I can’t deny the benefits of buying porno in bulk. MileHighMedia is a pretty solid example of why.

MileHighMedia.com has been around since the beginning of the millennium, and you’ve almost definitely beat off to their material before. The network is home of porno brands like Sweetheart Video, Sweet Sinner, and Reality Junkies, and they get thousands of horny visitors every day. This clearly ain’t no fly-by-night operation; an assessment backed up by the top-tier thumbnails spread all over the preview page.

Featuring the World’s Hottest Sluts

Mile High has worked with a lot of the big names in the business, and they want you to know about it. Adriana Chechik, Mia Malkova, and Riley Reid are just a few of the faces out front, and by faces, I also mean bare breasts, booties, and bald beavers.

It’s a lot of hot babes, doing a lot of perverted shit. The top categories on the network include Anal, Rimming, Creampie, and Double Penetration. Fuck yes! There are Gangbangs, Strap-Ons, and really filthy whores doing Double Vaginal.

All the thumbnails are stamped with the movie’s release date, and it looks like MileHighMedia is adding new shit nearly every day. The updates are spread out across the network, which right now includes Sweetheart Video, Sweet Sinner, Reality Junkies, and Doghouse. The different brands represent slightly different flavors of smut, from premium lesbian erotica to teen (18+) and MILFs in reality-based fantasies. As one of the front page taglines say, they’ve got “girl on girl to gangbangs, and everything in between.”

I tried watching some of the preview videos I saw out front, but those are just a trick. There aren’t any preview videos; just screengrabs with fake Play buttons pasted on top of them, each one leading you to the sign-up page. I fucking hate that shit, but what are you going to do? In this case, I guess I’m going to go see how much this porno cost.

Tons of Porn for Not Too Much Cash

They’ve got a two-day trial for a buck, but if you forget to cancel, you’ll end up with a monthly membership at an inflated price. Smart shoppers can cash in on a three-month or yearly membership at a discounted rate.

I didn’t see it mentioned anywhere until I was signed up and logged in, but downloads cost extra at MileHighMedia. I know, I know, it fucking sucks and now you want to kill yourself, but it’s just the direction the industry is going in these days. If you want to save these files for your off-line porn stash, which you will definitely need when the end times come, you’ll have to shell out an extra 15 bucks a month.

Four Brands, Thousands of Pornos

To date, the full stash of exclusive fuck flicks on the menu contains over 4000 pieces of smut. That’s pretty fucking impressive, especially when you consider that they add new stuff almost every single day. Not fucking bad for just 30 bones!

I figured I’d start my fap test with the very latest scene on MileHighMedia. It’s a 30-minute feature starring Mark Wood, and Reagan Foxx called The Girls Next Door Volume 2, Scene One. This one’s part of their Sweet Sinner imprint, a brand aiming to provide “Erotic Porn for Women, Men, and Couples.” That sounds like a catchall for any kind of hardcore or softcore, but whatever; as long as it’s porn, I’ll be watching!

The movie opens with an aerial drone shot of a boat floating in the water. There’s some cutesy music and a female voiceover that sounds too sweet for this to be a porno movie. For a second, I think I’ve accidentally stumbled onto the Lifetime Network website, but that I see Reagan Foxx’s enormous boobies on the screen.

It’s a cinematic, story-oriented opening. Reagan is having a serious conversation with her husband about finances, but I’m having trouble paying attention to the details because she ain’t wearing much. At the two-minute mark, the two shut the fuck up and get to kissing.

How to Do Hardcore Porn Right

I skipped ahead a few minutes. There’s plenty of bandwidth here, so even at HD quality, I didn’t have any buffering issues. Reagan reappeared instantly, now on her back with all her clothes off. The hungry dude laps at her pussy like he’s been in the desert, and she’s holding the last drop of water in the world up that twat.

There is a built-in speed control, which I took advantage of once the dude started smashing her sidesaddle. If you close your eyes, it sounds a little bit like a pair of dessert fanatics whipping up an orgasmic, delicious bowl of putting.

That Download button is a fucking obnoxious thing to see there, knowing I can’t use the motherfucker. I guess that’s part of how they lure suckers like you into shelling out that extra 15 bucks. Hey, I won’t blame you if you have to get in. I’m hard as a rock and about to cum buckets, and this is the first video I watched on the website!

After I popped, I spent a few minutes perusing the included Gallery. MileHighMedia includes a pretty substantial set of photos for each movie they put out. Some of them look like screen grabs from the video, but most of them really look like they were posed separately. These motherfuckers really know how to do pornography well!

A Killer Bang for your Buck

The Categories page lists a picture menu of some of the perversion you’ll find on the website. Besides the typical MILF movies and Interracial Lesbian flicks, you’ll find kinkier, more fetishistic elements like Cuckolding, Stockings, Rimming, and GILFs. They promise something for everyone on the network, and it really seems like they deliver.

Sometimes, buying in bulk means making a serious compromise in quality. That just ain’t the case with MileHighMedia, a premium porn network that offers truly premium porn. They’ve got four different brands under the umbrella, all included with your membership, and each releasing a steady stream of smut in a good variety of freaky categories, and starring some of your favorite porn starlets. It’s kind of hard to go wrong with the package like that.