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I had Thots Blog open on my screen this morning as I sipped my daily cup of joe, chasing down the handful of Viagra I had for breakfast. I gawked at boobies and butts, masturbation scenes and sex videos. The more I perused the site, the more into it I got. At some point, I realized I’d had my hand down my pants for a while, just jerking away while my coffee got cold. That’s about the same time the baristas started yelling at me to get the fuck out of Starbucks before they had to call the cops. Again.
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Are you looking to find some of the sexiest and delicious semi-pro content on the Web? Huh? Well, are you mother fucker? Then I invite you to take a fucking look at All Fans promptly!
Do you love seeing beautiful amateurish models that make you hard as fuck every time you see them? No shit mother fucker! And if you want to get a glimpse as to where you can find so fucking many of them, then I want you to know of a fucking place where I’ve been stroking my cock nonstop. It’s a porn site called FansClub, and my fucking God, you best be prepared. Because the cum is about to roll!
Who do I contact about Hot Leaks? Is this a job for a plumber, the guy taking a whizz in the alley behind my house, or is it a matter of national security to be discussed with the NSA? Well, since you’re reading this on ThePornDude, I think you can guess what kind of content we’ll be talking about today, as well as the proper course of action when you discover such a thing. In my case, it involves a bottle of lube, a couple tokes of good kush, and a silicone fap sleeve that I’ve been referring to lately as Belle. Hopefully the other Starbucks customers don’t have any issue with this, but hey, I’ve been wrong before.
These days, Influencer Chicks are on damn near equal footing with the big-name pornstars from the major paysites, at least when it comes to being the objects of our masturbatory attention. There’s arguably never been a better moment in history for amateur porn, as evidenced by the growing number of babes snapping nude selfies and shooting skittle-diddling videos on their webcams and iPhones. If you’re into this new wave of homegrown nudie models, well, you’ve come to the right place, because I just stumbled upon a new site to get your kicks via internet chicks.
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If it sounds like visiting Porn X Stream is taking your porn viewing experience to the, well, extreme, I don’t know if I would go that far. It’s not like the content on Porn X Stream is going to jump through your screen, suck you off, and tell you what a giant cock you have. It isn’t some kind of revolutionary content that will change how you view porn or anything that fucking crazy.
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I had Fapeza open in my browser this morning, and I have to blame the site for my total lack of productivity today. That’s partly because I was so busy jacking off to all those sexy Instagram sluts, and partly because the cops showed up before I could cum, so I had to go hide behind a dumpster for a while. I never seem to be able to finish a review when I’m trying to work at Starbucks. Maybe it’s the overpriced coffee, maybe it’s the prudes behind the counter.
TNA Pics have always been one of the biggest drivers of the internet. Whether you define TNA as Tits ‘N Ass or Top Nude Actors, I don’t think the web would have become what it is today were it not for those fapworthy images of naked ladies. Nudie pics were among the first images shared over computer networks, and online payments were literally invented to sell porn. Social media and news apps sometimes make me want to give up on the internet completely, but I keep coming back for all those pretty 18+ girls with all their clothes off. I guess I won’t smash my phone on the sidewalk today, but I will fantasize about smashing the hot thots plastered all over this next website.
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Leaked Zone has been blowing the fuck up since their launch just a few months ago, quickly racking up more visitors than similar sites could hope to see in a year or more. I can guess from the name that social media content are their primary draw, though they certainly ain’t the only player in the game. As a professional masturbator, that crazy volume of traffic caught my eye right away. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but I busted out the lube and my favorite pocket pussy pretty much as soon as the link slid into my DMs.
What defines Ero Thots, anyway? Eros was the Greek god of passion and fertility: the kind of love that makes you want to fuck. I’ve seen the term “Thots” tossed around in both negative and positive contexts, though I’m going to go out on a limb and guess this next site ain’t shitting on the beautiful women who cover their pages and pull in their visitors. I’m only a linguist of the cunning variety, but based on my years of masturbatory research, I’d say the EroThots in question are the same internet hotties you’ve been shaking your dick at for the last few years.
Mother fucker, if you do not think that we don’t live in an exciting era where there are new kinds of hot talent at every turn, then you either don’t have a penis. Or you’re whacking off to the same porno magazines that you were jerking off to in the 80s! If you think that porn is boring and mundane, bitch, think again!
I thought The Slut Porn, aka The Slut Bay, was going to be a porn torrent site when I saw the name, but it turns out the whole thing is a lot more instantly accessible than any variation of The Pirate Bay that has sprung up over the years. Torrents still have their place, sure, especially if you’re looking to download a lot of big files, but sometimes you just want to load something up on your phone so you can beat off while everyone else in the office thinks you’re taking a huge dump. That would require some preplanning if you were cranking it to torrents, and I just don’t have time for that today.
Baddies Chicks! Do you love beating off to amateur pornography? Of course, you do! Who doesn’t love jacking off to beautiful women that look like someone you may have come across in your mundane, everyday life? It adds another layer to the jerk-off session and even makes you consider the fact that, hey, maybe you’ll get laid someday.
A decade ago, Only Finder would have sounded like yet another dating site for lonely, lonely singles. These days, it’s hard to hear the word “Only” without thinking of hot internet chicks flashing their tits, banging themselves with dildos and humping their boyfriends in front of their webcams. At least, if you’re a pervert like me, that is. The link slid into my DMs this morning and I immediately started envisioning goth chicks, PAWGs, cosplay cuties and teenage foot models. Would this be another social media porn site, a new content platform with a knock-off name, or something else entirely? Hands shaking and erectile tissue tingling, I clicked the link to find out.
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I’ve got a couple Hot Leak issues right now. For one thing, my landlord needs to get off his ass and come take a look at my fucking sink before the steam takes all the paint off the ceiling. My other problem is just as obnoxious, with an end result of blue balls and sticky shorts. The good news is that I’ve found a potential cure for the latter inconvenience, and it's something I think you perverts are going to enjoy just as much as me. You are into naked 18+ girls, right?
Ever been to Simp City? I know that sounds like something of a rhetorical question, aimed at all the men sucking up to broads who don’t even seem to like them back, but I’m actually asking if you’ve seen the website of the same name. I guess the implied question still stands, though, because the site was built for folks who think of themselves as simps. I mean, it's right there in the name, my dudes.
These days social media, mobile phones, and platforms such as Onlyfans and Patreon have made it easy for anyone to make quality porno from the comfort of their bedroom.
Thot HD lays out their simple premise right there in the title: this joint’s going to be full of thots, and they’re going to be in beautiful, crystal-clear HD. The term refers to sluts, skanks and sleazy slags in general, but has come to take on specific connotations in the world of online pornography. These ain’t necessarily the same bimbos you find on the traditional sex tubes, though you will find a few that have worked their way from the professional pornstar circuit back to this realm of next-generation amateur starlets.
What is a Coomer, exactly? Well, the short and simple answer is you, me, and pretty much everyone else who ever visits ThePornDude. The term’s been tossed around on the internet for a few years now, but hasn’t gained the popularity of similar online-era descriptors like neckbeard. Honestly, Coomers ain’t half as bad as any of those other groups I mentioned, as a Coomer is really just a common variety fap fan. According to Wiktionary, a Coomer is “A man who masturbates excessively, watches too much pornography, or defends the pornography industry against criticism.” Sound familiar?
Are there any Fans Here? That’s a trick question, because I haven’t even said what those fans are fans of just yet. Of course, seeing as you’re reading this on ThePornDude, it’s a safe bet that I ain’t asking about fans of Disney movies, fans of video games or fans of anime--not unless we’re talking about filthy, X-rated variations on those themes. As a matter of fact, you may be able to find just those genres on this next website, which is aimed squarely at fans of a distinctly adult form of entertainment.
What kind of fap does Fapello offer? That’s honestly the main question I pose when it comes to any porn site, and I imagine you’re the same. After all, one man’s sack of garbage is another man’s stack of sperm-covered nudie mags. This is 2024, though, so unless you’re too old to understand the internet, you probably don’t even own a single old-time skin rag. No, modern times call for modern pornography, in which case you’ve come to the right place.
Quick question: FKBAE or saltbae? Honestly, I made my choice even before I’d visited the FKBAE website and found out exactly what it is. Some folks want a ludicrously overpriced steak with some sneering, bespectacled guy’s arm hair and skin grease sprinkled on top. Others, myself included, just want some free porn to shake their dicks at. I’m not sure exactly what the FK in FKBAE stands for, but I’ve got some ideas. (Hint: I’ve been pronouncing it as “fuck bae” ever since I read the title.)
Tits, and Ass Too! I’ve got to hand it to this next joint for coming up with one of the catchiest, most clever site names I’ve seen this week. It’s just two words, simple and to the point, but with more personality than other dead-on titles. It isn’t just Ass; it’s Ass, Too, meaning they’ve got ass in addition to whatever else is on the menu, and I have some ideas about what that might be. I’m no Michelin chef, but I can tell you that Tits and Ass go together just like carrots and peas. Oh man, we’re eating well tonight, boys!